Calm Like a Duck

Before our first child was born, we attended a series of classes with other expecting couples. The class aimed to prepare us for the joys and challenges of childbirth and the life changes that come with becoming parents.

Most parents-to-be were feeling a little anxious. One dad, though, never seemed fazed—he stayed cool through everything. At one point, I asked him how he was so relaxed. He said, "I'm calm like a duck. On the surface, I'm gently floating, but under the water, I'm paddling like crazy."

It's over 10 years ago now, but I remember it clearly. It stuck with me for two reasons.

First, it's a brilliant analogy for calmness—the two halves of a duck—and makes for a funny picture, which is why I thought it deserved a sketch.

Second, it reminds me that when I'm in a stressful situation or feeling nervous, it's easy to look around and see people who seem calm and confident. And if I start thinking I'm the only one feeling anxious, it usually makes it worse. However, when I recall this story, I remember that just because someone looks calm, it doesn't mean they feel calm. They might be "calm like a duck." Under the surface, their legs may be waggling furiously, just like I'm feeling.

Michael Caine, in his 2018 book Blowing the Bloody Doors Off: And Other Lessons in Life , said:

"Ducks look calm as they glide along the surface of the water but they're paddling like hell underneath. When you're doing your preparation right, it sometimes looks so good that people watching you make the mistake of assuming it's all natural and effortless. In my experience, it never is."

In some ways, this misconception is everywhere when we see high performers who make things look easy: