Grow not in each other's shadow

The reading from our wedding I remember most clearly is a passage from Kahlil Gibran's beautiful book, The Prophet . We were drawn to it then, and I still am now. The end of the passage offers one of the most beautiful, uplifting, and—at the time—surprising perspectives on marriage.

"And stand together yet not too near together:

   For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

   And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

From the outside, marriage often seems like a complete merging—becoming one, but perhaps also losing part of yourself in the process. I love that this passage says that two people can and should unite and support each other without lessening each other individually. We retain what makes us ourselves while being stronger together.

The image of the oak and the cypress has stayed with me ever since our wedding day.

The full passage from the Prophet is below:

On Marriage, by Kahlil Gibran

Then Almitra spoke again and said, And

what of Marriage, master?

  And he answered saying:

  You were born together, and together you

shall be forevermore.

  You shall be together when the white

wings of death scatter your days.

  Ay, you shall be together even in the

silent memory of God.

  But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

  And let the winds of the heavens dance

between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond

of love:

  Let it rather be a moving sea between

the shores of your souls.

  Fill each other's cup but drink not from

one cup.

  Give one another of your bread but eat

not from the same loaf.

  Sing and dance together and be joyous,

but let each one of you be alone,

  Even as the strings of a lute are alone

though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each

other's keeping.

  For only the hand of Life can contain

your hearts.

  And stand together yet not too near

together:

  For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

  And the oak tree and the cypress grow

  not in each other's shadow.

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